I’m not sayin’.
I’m just sayin’.
* * *
100 Things You Should Probably Think About
A rare compliment is better than everyday flattery.
Don’t fistfight the person who cuts you off in traffic. Fight the one who says you can’t do something. And fight them with your mind, not your hands.
Patience is a virtue, but sometimes you need to do stuff right f’ing now.
Wine is healthier for you than soda.
Stainless steel looks cool, but definitely isn’t stainless.
Win or lose, there’s a six-month post-election limit on leaving political candidate bumper stickers on your car.
Be the one who tips too much.
Think of meteorology the same as telling ghost stories around a campfire. Both contain fiction designed to scare people.
Don’t drive around looking for the best parking spot available. Get some exercise; park in the farthest spot imaginable.
Try not to do a movie on the first date. Go somewhere you can look them in the eyes.
The five minutes after you start doing something are easier than the five years you procrastinated before doing it.
Insulting the things other people love doesn’t make the things you love more awesome.
Consider being friends before lovers.
You can be a cat person and a dog person. It’s possible.
Kids these days want the same things as kids during previous generations’ days. They just chase it differently.
Never be ashamed of the music you love.
The best time to order pizza delivery is immediately after grocery shopping.
Valentines Day is a fraud if you want it to be. But extremely romantic if you care to try.
Odds are you probably already have everything you need.
Always keep Ramen noodles handy.
No one really cares whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. As long as you’re a decent human being, it’s all good.
Sometimes the grass is actually a LOT greener. Sometimes not. Flip a coin.
Try taking MMA classes. Not to learn how to kick people’s asses, but instead to gain the confidence to know you can.
If you have to drive after drinking heavily, pound water for 90 minutes and stay in the fast lane. 🙂
It’s possible the only purpose of life is to live.
One learns much more in defeat than in victory.
Instead of lite beer, why not just drink water? It’s cheaper and has the same effect.
Try not to jump on the bandwagon of manufactured causes.
Consider collecting experiences instead of things.
The Big Green Egg is a fantastic grill, but steak still tastes better when cooked over charcoal.
It’s cool to be weird, off-the-grid, or eccentric. But it loses some of its luster when you talk about it too much on the internet.
Everyone can be corrupted. The trick is knowing exactly what ruins you and staying the hell away from it.
The coldest winds don’t blow through mountains or forests. They blow through the human heart. Luckily, the same is true for warm wind.
Forget sharks. Be afraid of jellyfish.
For every person who loves a thing, someone else is offended by that same thing. Fuck it.
Good luck changing anyone’s political belief system.
Resting Bitch Face (RBF) doesn’t always mean what it looks like. But sometimes it does.
The best kind of diet & exercise plan is one you can do for the rest of your life.
Survival of the fittest no longer really applies. But it might someday. So it’s probably a good idea to keep doing pushups.
Odds are someone is stalking your Facebook page right now.
Odds are even better someone currently has a huge crush on you that you’ll never know about.
The government will never be the super-efficient machine we want it to be. If it were, millions of people would be out of work.
There’s no such thing as ‘morning people.’ There are people who hate mornings and those who hate them slightly less.
It’s entirely possible there’s no such thing as right or wrong.
The key to finding happiness is embracing its elusiveness.
If you’re nervous about trying a new food, get tipsy first. Everything tastes a better with little liquor. Everything except key lime pie.
Mile number five is a thousand times more satisfying than Mile zero.
Almost everything you click on the internet is designed to take your money. (Oh, the irony.)
A sure mark of intelligence is the reservation of judgment.
All men are probably not created equal.
If you’re not willing to do it today, you probably won’t do it tomorrow either.
You’re probably not going to meet the love of your life on Tinder.
Everything is ok when consumed in moderation. Except Red Bull and Pabst Blue Ribbon. And Meth.
Anger solves nothing. Ever.
Disappointment is for children. Not adults. (Kinda like Trix cereal)
If you can’t be happy while you’re alone, you can’t be happy.
At least once in a while, live like you’re in a Budweiser commercial. Be up for anything.
You’re not finished being a parent until you’re dead.
If you really, really hate doing something, find something else.
Jealousy isn’t a good look. For anyone.
Being involved in politics takes more than ‘liking‘ something on Facebook.
You can decide whether or not to be offended.
If you vote for the lesser of two evils, you’re still voting for something evil.
Never vomit into a running fan. (Seriously, I saw what you did to my A/C unit)
Wisdom isn’t gained automatically with age.
A good mate should also be a good roommate.
Intelligence is rarely earned in classrooms.
The only one who cares about your complaints is you.
When interviewing a prospective employee, focus on their personality, not their resume.
It’s ok to do the opposite of what the internet says.
Teach your kids how to lose and they’ll figure out for themselves how to win.
Never argue with someone you don’t care about.
Don’t be the one who says, “I never saw that coming.”
It’s ok to be stupid sometimes. We’re all stupid now and then. But it’s never ok to be willfully ignorant.
If everything were fair, life would be boring.
If you see something beautiful on the internet, distrust it.
Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.
Boasting is for jackholes. But shit-talking is perfectly acceptable.
Teach your children how to think. Not what to think.
Cornhole shouldn’t be played on hills.
Being passionate isn’t the same as being a loud-mouthed douchebag.
Those who trumpet their sufferings are usually the most deserving.
Follow the Two-Text Rule: If you send two texts to last night’s date and they don’t answer, don’t send another until they reply. In other words, don’t be a stalker.
The cost of convenience: experience
Wedding rings will tarnish. Dresses will fade. Cars will break down. But fake boobs last forever.
Taking things personally gives other people power over you.
Pick just three things in your life to say never to. And never say never regarding anything else.
Nudity is natural. But graphic sensationalist violence is more fun.
When eating noodles, the point is to make as much noise as possible.
The sooner you apologize, the better.
In order to be granted city status, a township must have at least three Mexican restaurants.
No one deserves immediate respect. Everyone has to earn it.
The deepest evil one can do is to manipulate someone else to do evil things.
Try not to play Beer Pong with crappy beer. Use a good craft beer or cider. Or better yet, play Wine Pong.
It’s healthier not to have an opinion.
Three Cokes per day will kill you as surely as one pack of cigarettes per day.
If you’re not the first one to offer help to someone in need, you might as well be the last.
Never refuse an honest gift.
The correct spelling is f-o-o-t-b-a-l-l.
Sometimes the best answer you can give is, “I don’t know.”
* * *
If you’re upset now and want to start some arguments, read this.
If you’re into smart, friendly philosophy, check this out.
This article is a mirror of a post on popular blog Tessera Guild.