I’m not sayin’.
But I’m just sayin’.
* * *
50 Little Things You Should Probably Think About
If you’re not willing to do it today, you probably won’t do it tomorrow either.
You’re probably not going to meet the love of your life on Tinder.
Everything is ok when consumed in moderation. Except Red Bull and Pabst Blue Ribbon. And Meth.
Anger solves nothing. Ever.
Disappointment is for children. Not adults. (Kinda like Trix cereal)
If you can’t be happy while you’re alone, you can’t be happy.
At least once in a while, live like you’re in a Budweiser commercial. Be up for anything.
You’re not finished being a parent until you’re dead.
If you really, really hate doing something, find something else.
Jealousy isn’t a good look. For anyone.
Being involved in politics takes more than ‘liking‘ something on Facebook.
You can decide whether or not to be offended.
If you vote for the lesser of two evils, you’re still voting for something evil.
Never vomit into a running fan. (Seriously, I saw what you did to my A/C unit)
Wisdom isn’t gained automatically with age.
A good mate should also be a good roommate.
Intelligence is rarely earned in classrooms.
The only one who cares about your complaints is you.
When interviewing a prospective employee, focus on their personality, not their resume.
It’s ok to do the opposite of what the internet says.
Teach your kids how to lose and they’ll figure out for themselves how to win.
Never argue with someone you don’t care about.
Don’t be the one who says, “I never saw that coming.”
It’s ok to be stupid sometimes. We’re all stupid now and then. But it’s never ok to be willfully ignorant.
If everything were fair, life would be boring.
If you see something beautiful on the internet, distrust it.
Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.
Boasting is for jackholes. But shit-talking is perfectly acceptable.
Teach your children how to think. Not what to think.
Cornhole shouldn’t be played on hills.
Being passionate isn’t the same as being a loud-mouthed douchebag.
Those who trumpet their sufferings are usually the most deserving.
Follow the Two-Text Rule: If you send two texts to last night’s date and they don’t answer, don’t send another until they reply. In other words, don’t be a stalker.
The cost of convenience: experience
Wedding rings will tarnish. Dresses will fade. Cars will break down. But fake boobs last forever.
Taking things personally gives other people power over you.
Pick just three things in your life to say never to. And never say never regarding anything else.
Nudity is natural. But graphic sensationalist violence is more fun.
When eating noodles, the point is to make as much noise as possible.
The sooner you apologize, the better.
In order to be granted city status, a township must have at least three Mexican restaurants.
No one deserves immediate respect. Everyone has to earn it.
The deepest evil one can do is to manipulate someone else to do evil things.
Try not to play Beer Pong with crappy beer. Use a good craft beer or cider. Or better yet, play Wine Pong.
It’s healthier not to have an opinion.
Three Cokes per day will kill you as surely as one pack of cigarettes per day.
If you’re not the first one to offer help to someone in need, you might as well be the last.
Never refuse an honest gift.
The correct spelling is f-o-o-t-b-a-l-l.
Sometimes the best answer you can give is, “I don’t know.”
* * *
If you’re pissed off now and want to start some arguments, read this.
If you’re into sharp, but friendlier philosophy, check this out.