Down the Dark Path Books, Paintings, and delicious darkness from J Edward Neill

Category Archives: humor

The Starving Artist and His Kid

August 16, 2017 | Art!, humor, Life | Permalink

I wouldn’t have it any other way. With that said, single dad art-making ain’t always easy. Almost six years ago, my son (the G Man) burst into my life. He was the Kool-Aid Man breaking through the brick wall of me. Upon his arrival, I prepared myself for sleepless nights, hours upon hours of crying, and the end of all […]

100 things you should probably think about

April 27, 2017 | humor, Life, Satire | Permalink

I’m not sayin’. I’m just sayin’. * * * 100 Things You Should Probably Think About A rare compliment is better than everyday flattery. Don’t fistfight the person who cuts you off in traffic. Fight the one who says you can’t do something. And fight them with your mind, not your hands. Patience is a virtue, but sometimes […]

How to Date an Artist

April 13, 2017 | Art!, humor | Permalink

…Tips for Dating Artists… A completely unscientific exploration of the perils of sleeping with art junkies. * #1. Consider dating someone else. As in, someone who might love you more than they love blank slabs of canvas and empty sheets of paper. 🙂 #2. When planning dates, dinners, or long nights on the couch watching Netflix, consider […]

Ten questions to ask your tipsy friends

December 6, 2016 | Coffee Table Philosophy, humor, Life | Permalink

It’s late. You’ve had a few adult beverages. You’re with a few friends. Or maybe you’re alone. It’s time to break out ten questions you might not ask if you were sober. * * * Let’s Get Physical  Assuming one-on-one combat, what percentage of the world’s population could you handle in a fight? * Unshackle […]

The Ultimate Get to Know Someone Quiz!

November 21, 2016 | Books!, Coffee Table Philosophy, humor | Permalink

Available now… The very first book with cover art straight from the paintbrush of my five-year old son. (That’s actually true ^^^) The Ultimate Get to Know Someone Quiz It’s the most entertainment you can squeeze into 101 pages. Pass it around to friends and family. Bring a copy to your breakroom at work. Crash […]

Why I’m still convinced #NothingMatters

October 20, 2016 | Culture, humor, Life, Non Fiction | Permalink

It’s funny the things we decide to care about. It’s curious the flow of socio-political liquid through the masses. Do you ever wonder if, a thousand years ago, the hashtag causes would’ve been #SanitationMatters, #PeasantsMatter, or #ArrowsDon’tKill but #ArchersDo? During World War II, if Twitter had existed, the Allies’ causes would’ve been obvious (Sadly the Axis’s would’ve been, too.) But […]

Fifty easy ways to live slightly off-the-grid

September 28, 2016 | humor, Life, Love & Relationships | Permalink

I’m not sayin’… …but I might be sayin‘. * * * At bars and restaurants, consider being the best tipper around. Selfie sticks should be used to start swordfights, not to take actual selfies with. Stairs should be embraced, not avoided. And whenever possible, take them two at a time. The first pancake is usually the worst. Give […]

The Ultimate Bucket List (Updated)

July 29, 2016 | humor, Life | Permalink

Ages ago, I published my personal mega-bucket list. It included 50 things I wanted to do before I die. Some were realistic. Others…not so much. So here we are, centuries (ok, only 18 months) removed. I’ve completed a few of my self-challenges and completely whiffed on many more. Here’s my bucket update: * * * 50 Hard-as-Hell Bucket […]

My Giant Cat Army

July 15, 2016 | humor, Life | Permalink

Ages ago, back when I lived in the real world, I had a crap-ton of cats. I mean…a lot…as in too damn many. They swept in and out of my life like ocean waves. Sometimes the tide would rise (12 cats when I was a kid) and later recede (as I type this, only 2 are left.) They’ve been […]

What Happens when Quirky, Funny, and Rude Collide

June 30, 2016 | Books!, humor | Permalink

I should probably apologize… I’m a plagiarist. Sort of. Some of the things in my new book, The Funny Things People Say, are words I actually said. As for the rest, well…it’s all from the other people in my life. It’s a fact. People like to talk. A lot. And for the most part, you should let them. […]

Book Blurb-ology

May 20, 2016 | Books!, Coffee Table Philosophy, Dark Moon Daughter, Down the Dark Path, humor, Writing! | Permalink

A while back I got mega sarcastic with a list of alternative movie blurbs. And later I roasted myself in public by making fun of all my books. This time I’m keeping it serious. If only to illustrate the pain and suffering that accompany writing blurbs (and query letters…and synopses) I’ve challenged myself to write one-sentence descriptions of all my books. […]

An Evening with Neil deGrasse Tyson

April 21, 2016 | humor, Movies!, Science | Permalink

Ticket in hand, I strolled into Atlanta’s Fox Theater at 6:50PM. I felt at ease within moments. Hundreds of people milled around me, buzzing about the event. In the lounge, cocktails swirled (mine was a slender glass of champagne) while patrons talked, laughed, and wondered aloud what the evening would hold. Because you see…not one guest among us knew just what the coming performance would […]

Love is a Battlefield

April 10, 2016 | humor, Life, Love & Relationships | Permalink

Ok. I admit it. This article has nothing to do with books, art, movies, comics, or skulls. It’s not a quiz. It’s not philosophical. It’s not even this. I promise I’m not gonna try to sell you anything. …except the truth. The cold hard facts are these: Dating is nothing like it once was. Nor will it […]

J Edward’s Dating Audition Questionnaire!

April 2, 2016 | humor, Life | Permalink

This is a special edition of my blog. Take it with several grains of salt. I’m chin-deep in some powerful scotch. So, as a happily divorced father of one, I’ve found myself swimming in fresh new waters. There’s something to be said for being free and single. I’m not at mid-life crisis stage yet, I’m still young-ish, and I live in […]

Swipe Left Society

February 20, 2016 | humor, Life, Non Fiction | Permalink

I need your help. Yes, seriously. Not so long ago, I published this little article about dating and love in the modern world. Well… Now I’ve decided to write an entire book about it. Swipe Left Society will be about modern relationships, online dating, and the struggles to connect we all face. It’ll be non-fiction. And it’ll be […]

50 More Things You Should Probably Think About

February 19, 2016 | humor, Life | Permalink

I’m not sayin’. But I AM sayin’. * * * 50 MORE Things You Should Probably Think About A rare compliment is better than everyday flattery. Don’t fistfight the person who cuts you off in traffic. Fight the one who says you can’t do something. And fight them with your mind, not your hands. Patience is a […]

Rejecting Indie

February 11, 2016 | Art!, humor, Life, Writing! | Permalink

Disclaimer: This article was written with artists, authors, and musicians in mind, but I think it applies to everyone… …. Humility – A modest or low view of one’s importance; diffidence Confidence – The feeling or belief that one can rely on something; especially one’s self …. There’s a famous saying. It goes something like: “Confidence without […]

My Son is Luke Skywalker’s Father

February 8, 2016 | A Door Never Dreamed Of, humor, Movies! | Permalink

So… My kid, the G Man, is pretty much the most terrifying Darth Vader impersonator in the world. Just click this creepy short video and put it on repeat. He also helped deflate Tom Brady’s footballs. And took long naps while I wrote this end-of-the-world novella. Have a nice night… J Edward Neill  

Making Fun of Everything I’ve Ever Done

January 29, 2016 | Books!, Coffee Table Philosophy, Hollow Empire, humor, Machina Obscurum, Tyrants of the Dead | Permalink

A few weeks ago I got super sarcastic with my list of alternative movie blurbs. So now that I’ve made fun of everyone else’s artistic work, it’s time I turn the cannon on myself. Here’s everything I’ve ever written, but with smartass descriptions. Have fun… Hollow Empire – Night of Knives – Five homeless people with crappy hygiene do their […]

50 Little Things You Should Probably Think About

December 16, 2015 | humor, Life | Permalink

I’m not sayin’. But I’m just sayin’. * * * 50 Little Things You Should Probably Think About If you’re not willing to do it today, you probably won’t do it tomorrow either.  You’re probably not going to meet the love of your life on Tinder. Everything is ok when consumed in moderation. Except Red Bull […]

Thanksgiving for Zombies

November 24, 2015 | humor, Life, Tessera Guild! | Permalink

During Thanksgiving week, it used to be a tradition of mine to get my ass to Florida (St. Augustine, Clearwater, Naples…) and eat entire restaurants out of business. Those were my holiday-cations, and they were epic. I’d lay siege to huge buffets, soak up gallons of wine and cocktails, and float atop heated pools like a bloated corpse. I […]

Put the Keyboard down and walk the F away

November 17, 2015 | Books!, humor, Life, Writing! | Permalink

Write well. Write often. But never write for more than a hobby.   It’s a saying I made up ages ago. And now I believe it more than ever. And yes, I know. It sounds hypocritical. I don’t apply the saying to myself. I’m just trying to help the rest of the world. As in […]

I am Jon Snow!

September 10, 2015 | humor, Life, Writing! | Permalink

The older I get, the more I realize that…much like Jon Snow…I know nothing. Absolutely nothing. Age, experience, intuition…all out the window. Want a few good examples of my know-nothingness? Glad you asked: * * * I don’t understand why anyone gets offended by anything. Ever. I don’t know a damn thing about women. Or men, […]

The Ultimate Spawn-a-Villain Quiz

September 1, 2015 | humor | Permalink

  Ever seen a movie and thought, ‘That monster was cool. But I can imagine cooler?’ Ever read a good book but wished the villain were more of a badass? Ever daydreamed up a monster more terrifying than any hero can handle? Good. I think you’ll like this game. Answer the following ten questions and tally up […]